1 Corinthians 13:1-13

Paul wrote the letter to the Corinthians to help settle some conflicts in that church. After talking in depth of the role of spiritual gifts in the church, he interrupts his discussion with this beautiful chapter on love. Although his intention was to teach the importance of love between Christians, the same lessons that Paul applied to the church, we can apply to husbands and wives.

1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.

What is more important than saying the right words to our spouse? How do we sometimes try to manipulate each other with our words?

Sometimes a spouse can say all the right words, but their heart is not in the relationship. More important than words is love from the heart. This does not mean that communication between a married couple is not important. On the contrary, it is essential for a successful relationship. But empty promises or false flattery will soon catch up with a marriage. Sometimes, a spouse will try to keep peace in the marriage by saying the right words or agreeing to ideas that they really don’t feel from their heart. Eventually promises made without a commitment behind them will either cause resentment in the spouse who feels obligated to make the promises, or will cause doubt in the partner’s mind about how much they are loved when their spouse does not follow through with actions to support the nice words.

Husbands and wives can sometimes even get manipulative with their language. I have talked to many couples where one partner kept on returning to an abusive relationship because they were made to feel guilty by their spouse. Our words in the marriage must come from the foundation of love. Without that foundation they will eventually be revealed for what they truly are – only sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.

2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

Do you sometimes do things in your marriage out of obligation instead of love? How do you feel when you are doing something because it’s your duty instead of because you want to do it.

In verse 3 we are told about the person who does a lot of good works, but all for the wrong motive. Often we find the same attitude in a marriage where one partner feels obligated to do certain things for the other. These actions are not done out of love, but out of duty. This is not a good foundation for a happy marriage. Although, it is true that there will be times when we must compromise or when we must do some things that we may not be particularly wild about, but the reason for doing them must always be love, not obligation. I have gone to many functions with my wife which I was not thrilled with attending. But I knew that she enjoyed them, and because I loved her, I wanted to make her happy. She also participated in events with me that were not high on her priority list. But our attitude when we are going to these different functions or doing things together must be one of love and enjoying each other’s company. If our attitude is to only endure the event until the suffering is over, our spouse will pick up on our feelings. There are many things that I have come to enjoy because I was willing to share things with my wife. But if we act like sharing certain activities together aren’t fun or are even a drudgery, the spouse will soon lose interest in having us along because we will be spoiling their enjoyment.

4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;

What do you think it means "love suffers long and is kind"? Do you practice this in your marriage?

You don’t have to be married long to understand that sometimes it’s necessary to be patient or as Paul wrote, "love suffers long." There may be times of inconvenience, times when we are upset, and even angry but love suffers long – we don’t give in to our frustration. This verse also tells us that love is kind. When we want things to go our own way, it is sometimes difficult to be kind. Instead we get obnoxious trying to force our will on our spouse. But love is kind. We need to learn patience and kindness if we want to have a successful marriage.

There are two more things that Paul mentions that can hamper a loving marriage relationship – envy and pride. Envy breeds distrust and pride engenders strife. These are two attitudes that we must learn to eliminate or at least suppress. They will be the source of great conflict if left unchecked.

5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;

6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;

Why do we sometimes treat each other rudely? How can we overcome this?

The sad fact is that sometimes we treat our family worse than we treat everyone else. Conversations can sometimes deteriorate into yelling, name calling, and rudeness. Rudeness should have no place in a family. Kindness needs to be our prevailing attitude, but sometimes we don’t care and act rudely anyway. The cause for this is simply we have too high an opinion of ourselves and too low an opinion of our spouse. We know that God wants us to be showing love, but our own wishes and desires get in the way of what we know we should be doing. Rude behavior begets rudeness in others. If we want to be treated with respect, let’s be sure we treat our spouse and our family with respect.

7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Name the four areas in this verse we should learn to do in our family. With which area do you have the most difficulty?

Paul gives us a wonderful list of four responses of love – love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. When we apply these four areas to our marriage relationship, we realize that we often fail in these areas. Bearing all things means we don’t react even when our spouse is upset or angry with us. Believes all things means that we trust each other and believe only the best in each other. Hopes all things means that we have confidence in each other that they will do what’s right and best for the marriage. And endures all things means there may be times when we have to endure struggles or difficulties in the marriage. If we have love, we will strive to exhibit all these behaviors.

Proctor comments, "Love in the thought of the apostle is an attitude of the heart, of the mind, and of the will. In other words it actuates the whole of man’s personality."

8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part.

10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

How are we often childish? What is the usual cause of our childish behavior?

Husbands and wives sometimes act like spoiled brats, like children fighting over sharing their toys, or like babies who aren’t getting enough attention. But Paul says, "when I became a man, I put away childish things." Sometimes the biggest problem in a marriage is that the partners need to grow up and put away childish things! We can be very selfish at times and even have temper tantrums, but this is, after all, merely acting like a child. There comes a time when children need to grow up and stop thinking only of themselves. A marriage between two adults will work a lot smoother than when the husband and wife are both children, no matter what their actual ages.

12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

What is the most important element in a successful marriage?

Paul tells us that the most important aspect of our faith journey is love. And it’s the same in our marriage. Love will overlook faults and consider the feelings of others. Love will be patient and not fly off the handle. Love will cause us to place our selfish desires beneath the good of the family. Love is the most important thing in a marriage. Let us practice it in our relationship, let us live it each day, and let us learn how to be more loving to each other.

Footnotes:

This Study on God’s Plan for Husbands and Wives © 1998 by David Humpal

All scriptures from the New King James Version © 1984, Thomas Nelson Publishers

Proctor: The New Bible Commentary pg. 986, 1954 edition, Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company